Premier League Week 3 Roundup
Welcome back! Lots of highlights to get to from this weekend. We had all the big names scoring goals, as Teemu Pukki and Ashley Barnes continued their dominant run atop the Golden Boot race. A trio of plucky upstarts named Salah, Aguero, and Sterling found the back of the net too.
Let’s get down to business…
No. 6: Sebastien Haller vs. Watford
“Bicycle kick goals must be included” is a good rule of thumb to follow. Although to be honest, graded on the adjusted scale for bicycle kick goals this one is probably a 3 out of 10.
No. 5: Harry Wilson vs. Manchester City
Any appreciation of this lovely free kick must be limited due to the fact that it happened in a game that his team lost. But still, tough to go more top cookie than this.
No. 4: Daniel James vs. Crystal Palace
Major points for the clutch goal and delicate finish from the 21 year old, following a deeply stirring passing sequence from United. However (and not necessarily James’ fault), this goal falls down the list because his team lost at home to a team that might get relegated.
No. 3: Moussa Djenepo vs. Brighton
On his first touch of the game, no less! But we know the real reason this happened: Glenn Murray wasn’t on the field yet.
No. 2: Ashley Barnes vs. Wolves
Chesting the ball down, playing the bounce, and hitting the bottom corner all at full speed. Just another day at the office for the man currently one off the Golden Boot.
No. 1: Harvey Barnes vs. Sheffield United
What a weekend for the Barnes family! OK, I doubt Ashley and Harvey are actually related. But damn, this one came in hot:
For more goals coming in at terminal velocity, please enjoy these beauts from Benjamin Pavard, Phil Jagielka, and the legend Sunday Oliseh.
King of the Goals
As a reminder, Ruben Neves currently holds the throne with this strike against United last week:
Two very different goals here. Power vs. Finesse. Lightning vs. Thunder. Some of it comes down to taste: do you prefer net-ripping raw power, or do you fancy the delicate caress of the ball stroking the underside of the crossbar?
Both were second half match winners, so context is a wash. The distances from goal were similar. United and Sheffield are level on points, so the quality of opponent is equal.
United fans: don’t @ me.
There are two key differences: first, Neves was at home and Barnes was on the road. Second, Barnes had the tougher angle and absolutely smoked the ball near post. Neves could have gone either way.
For those reasons…please congratulate Harvey Barnes, new King of the Goals.
Hall of Reigns
Marcus Rashford, 8/11/19 vs. Chelsea: 1
Ruben Neves, 8/19/19 vs. Manchester United: 1
Harvey Barnes, 8/24/19 vs. Sheffield United: 1*
*Current King
In Appreciation of Adrian
Watching Adrian ply his trade is nothing short of a transcendent emotional experience. In a span of mere moments, you might experience dizzying highs, harrowing lows, or more often than not, both.
His performance against Arsenal encapsulated this magnificent see-saw perfectly. First, we nearly had a second howler in as many weeks…
…Followed by a critical breakaway stop:
All hail Adrian. Long may he reign.
Liverpool-Arsenal: A Rich Text
Lots going on in the Liverpool-Arsenal game, both good and bad. Most centering around David Luiz.
The Brazilian bombshell had quite a performance, playing a critical role in two goals. Nice, right? Well yes, if you’re a Liverpool supporter.
First he brazenly grabbed Mo Salah, earning a yellow card and a penalty for Liverpool that Salah subsequently buried:
Then, he followed that gem up with some truly astonishing defense as he tried to avoid getting a second yellow. The result, naturally, was another Salah goal seconds later:
But hey, at least he looks good next to his twin brother Matteo Guendouzi:
Question: great custom jersey or greatest custom jersey?
Roberto Firmino almost scored the goal of a lifetime, and even though he scuffed the shot wide this is still a 9 out of 10:
In Other News…
Never change, Jamie Vardy.
I count three wanker signs, one middle finger, and five “V finger” signs - which is also apparently an insult - including a double-V from the old guy in the bucket hat. A+ trolling.
Poor Lucas Moura. I get what he was trying to do here, and wow would it have been sweet, but instead…damn. Points for the rotation/face plant, though.
In what may now be a recurring segment, Ederson makes the face save of the week:
But he one-ups Jordan Pickford by wearing an imprint of the ball on his temple like a fresh tattoo. Knowing Ederson, he might actually have a tattoo of this by next week.
League Table
Golden Boot
Crabcakes and goals. That’s what Teemu Pukki does.
